I never thought we would co-sleep, it certainly wasn't in our 'plans', though what are plans when you become a parent? I feel like that word almost gets thrown out the window when you have children. And it's ok that it does. Life is full of surprises and mystery. Remember how I said no two children are the same even if they came from you? Lily did co-sleep in the sense that she was in our room until 8 months old but she only jumped in bed with us during the feed that occurred before getting up for the day and even then I enjoyed the cuddles. Luna on the hand, we even bought the same bassinet that Lily had, thinking it was perfect the first time around so why not grab it again, oh man were we in for a shock when we got home that night after having Luna and she would only sleep on myself or my fiancé, Jesse. Through sleep deprivation we decided that she would sleep in bed with us and it made breastfeeding a million times easier for the pair of us plus it calmed her being so close. Jesse ended up building a co-sleeper to attach to my side of the bed and 9 months later, she is still happily sleeping next to me in it. I had tried recently to get her into a cot, even just for day sleeps and for about a week or two it worked but then it didn't. So here we are again, laying down next to each other whilst trying to get her off to sleep for a day time nap. She likes to be able to hold my hand, to touch my face too, she likes to pull me in if I try to slip away quietly, she likes to bite me if she thinks I'm not paying attention, she likes to snuggle with her legs up on my stomach, fitting as perfectly as she did when that was her home. She finds comfort in me, in being so close. It makes me feel incredibly special. I guess I hold onto these moments even tighter knowing that she is our last baby. The days can be incredibly hard sometimes but I know that I am going to look back, like I do with Lily, and I will miss her being so small, so dependent of me. I will miss breastfeeding her, that being what soothes her and nourishes her. So for now sweet babe, you can stay in our bed because one day you won't be right next to me, crying out in the middle of the night to be fed or held and when that day comes, I will miss even the hard moments terribly.

Body Image

Because some days Mumma has a good confidence day. I pull my high waisted jeans up and face the day head on and hold my head high.

I don't want my girls to grow up feeling the way I do about my body some days when they look at their bodies. I want my girls to love the skin they are in and to never have to hear that inner voice that tells them they aren't 'skinny enough' or 'pretty enough'. It's a harsh world we live in, and to add to it, we are so hard on ourselves when we don't need to be. It's so easy to talk ourselves down and not give ourselves enough credit. It's time for me to take a step back and be proud of the body I have worked hard for and the body that has grown these two precious little girls inside.

No One Tells You

I'm just gonna jump straight in and say that there is so much that you are told before expanding your family but there is also so much that you aren't told! Here are a few things people left out that I learnt along the way..

Going from one child to two is fucking hard.

Juggling my time between them both is a mission. I go to bed feeling guilty some days because I know I haven't spent as much one on one time with Lily (my oldest) as I should have.. Luna (my youngest) demands so much of my time that some days it really is a struggle to give them both my full attention. As Luna is getting older, I'm slowly finding the balance.

Just because your children were made by you doesn't mean they will be the same as each other.

You know that saying "Every baby is different"? My god, I certainly understand the meaning of that now. My first slept through from 4 months old, therefore cutting out night time feeds, she loved (and still loves) people and would happily cuddle any one and everyone - my second...not so much. Almost 9 months, she still feeds on demand, wakes multiple times at night to feed and basically hates everyone who is within a 1 foot radius of her that isn't me (ok, that's exaggerating a smidge but she's not a people person haha). Our oldest happily slept in a bassinet, our youngest hated it and co-slept with us from day one. They are all so different and have totally different personalities so you just have to adapt with them.

Just because you don't pump a lot of milk, doesn't mean you have supply issues.

This! Oh man. I swear I didn't stress this much over supply with our first daughter. I haven't been able to pump much milk at all this time around and it wasn't until I spoke to a lactation consultant that my worries were put to ease. A pump doesn't stimulate your milk flow like a baby does! I cannot pump anywhere near as much as Luna drinks. So I won't. I'm lucky to get 20mls in a sitting so I'm not going to stress myself out over it. 

You will probably fail at being a housewife. A lot.

Maybe this one is just me? I see many Mummas kicking ass at getting stuff done at home and looking after the baby but Jesus do I struggle some days. Luna has no schedule especially with Lily being at school so predicting nap times to get stuff done is a challenge. Thank god for baby wearing, it helps me get the bare minimum done. Sure, I'd love to reorganise the house and declutter but you know what? Babies are only babies for such a short amount of time (really, that first year will fly right by) so for now, it can wait until a day that she is a little more predictable.

Your heart with expand in ways you didn't think were possible.

Having two babies to love, care for and help grow is the most rewarding and wonderful thing I have ever done. I feel like it is why I am here. Sure, I have absolutely horrible days where I wish I could go back to bed and start the day over but who doesn't? Deciding to expand our already amazing little family was such an wonderful decision and I can't imagine life any other way. I will take the good, the bad and the crazy on head first always. This is my calling.

Fresh Start

Well, well, well. 

I never thought I would see myself thrown back into the world of blogging, yet here I am.

I've never had a way with words like so many of the amazing bloggers that I follow, I tend to ramble on and probably don't ever make much sense - it's a gift really. But something deep inside was calling out, I needed to let my words spill out from my fingertips once again. It's exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time, to put yourself out there for people who know you and also complete strangers, to let them in a little for a glimpse of your world. I don't even know where to start or what to say, so I will let my fingers do the talking and see where we end up...

I'm a Mother. I have two adorable little girls. They are why I am the person I am today.

I'm a soon to be Wife. I'm about 3 months away from marrying my love and I cannot wait!

I am fuelled by coffee. No joke - how else does a Mumma who feeds her sweet baby 3-6 times a night keep her eyes open? I'm not one for toothpicks to hold them open.

I am very passionate about breastfeeding and baby wearing. 

Our littlest sweetheart is also our last, so I am holding onto both of these wonderful experiences for dear life. I hope to make it to a year of breastfeeding, that will be an amazing achievement in my eyes. As for baby wearing, well I will carry her until my back tells me it's time - which thanks to Oestoarthritis and Spina Biffida Acculta, I fear for the day that we have to stop may come earlier than I am ready for.

But enough about that. 

I look forward to sharing my thoughts and stories.

To sit down at the computer or phone and share a coffee with you.

Until next time.