The Perfect Mother

Crisp, white EVERYTHING - sheets, pillows, blankets, clothing, lounge, rug.
Never raises her voice.
Feeds her children only organic, homemade meals.
Keeps the house absolutely, perfectly spotless always.

I've basically just described at least three mothers you follow on Instagram right now.
You know the ones, the ones that you look at their profile and let out a deep sigh whilst thinking "Why can't my house look like that? How does she always look so amazing? How come she looks so good after 5 kids and I'm over here after only two and still look pregnant?" You know exactly what I am talking about.
And then there is me (and majority of the world including these Instagram Mummas ) -
Mixed matched house with no real theme except "tiny crazy people live here and rule the house".
Raises her voice a lot more than she would like to but for fuck sake stop drawing on yourself tiny crazy people!
Feeds her children whatever the hell they will actually eat that night (and you know they will hate it the next time you try to give it to them).
Floor? Oh yes I am sure there is a floor under all these clothes and toys - at least there was, last time I checked, like 3 years ago.

Mothers throughout time have felt the pressure to be the "perfect" mother, but what does that even mean? Is it a mother who stays home with the kids all day, every day, does every pinterest activity with them that she can find, prepares lunches the night before and spends all day slaving over dinner? Is it the mother who balances work and home life like its nothing, that constantly seems to have her shit together? Is it the mother who feels like the biggest hot mess, feels like she can never get on top of everything, often wonders if she does enough for the kids and if they will still want to be her best friend when they are older and prays they don't ever resent her?

Correct answer: they are all the perfect mother. You know why? Because they love their children, they give them a safe and happy home, they would do anything for their kids, they are doing the very bloody best that they can and if they have a shitty day, a shitty week, a shitty month, they just keep on keeping on and know that tomorrow is a new day. They know that their kids love them to the moon and back and they in return love their children with every fibre of their being.


So often I hear my beautiful friends, even strangers on the internet and myself included, compare themselves to other mothers and not realising the amazing job that they are doing because they are too busy wishing they could be like someone else. I feel like, with the rise of social media, came an unrealistic expectation that mothers need to keep magazine worthy homes, pack their kids themed lunches every bloody day, feed their children no sugar and only organic foods, and you know what? If you actually do that, then that is fantastic, but if you don't - you ARE NOT a bad mother.

I truly wish that (and my husband will sit there laughing his ass off because I need to take my own advice) everyone could see themselves the way that the rest of the world sees them. I wish my beautiful friends could realise that they are everything to their children, they ARE supermum to their children and that really, isn't that the only opinion that matters? Those tiny little faces beaming up at you, telling you that you're the best mum ever because you said they can stay up half hour longer than normal.

We need to rise up as a tribe of Motherhood and lift each other up, not tear each other down or constantly compare one another. This Motherhood thing is fucking tough enough as it is, and it can be lonely and there are days you want to cry and you know what? You aren't alone, those Instagram Mums you aspire to be have those days too. And that's what makes us perfect, and wonderful and amazing and real. You are a perfect mother, because your children love you perfectly as you are and for everything you do.

You Are Enough.

Finding the time to sit down and write blog posts has never been a strong point of mine, I have all these great ideas that I want to get down on paper and then all of a sudden everything gets crazy and I completely forget to sit my ass down at the computer and write a damn post. So here I am, about two years after my last blog post, trying to get started again because there has been something weighing on my mind a lot lately, almost consuming me. Body image. Those two words have an affect on women, especially mothers, way more than people realise.

I recently started seeing a psychologist for my anxiety and during our first session, she asked me to get a notebook and write down every single thing that makes me anxious, stressed, sad and so on. In the fortnight between appointments I was pretty disappointed in myself to see that so many of my entries were about the way I saw myself. Had I really become this self conscious that at least once a day I was wanting to cry because of how I looked in the mirror or how the clothing hanging in my wardrobe fit on my body? My body image hit an all time low.

I have been at both ends of the scales over the years, I've been overweight and I've been fit and slender. And I'll let you in on a secret - I was never happy with myself no matter what the scales or clothing tag said. Yes, being smaller made clothes shopping so much easier for me personally but I was obsessed, I was working out like mad and if I binged on "naughty" food, I'd make sure I made up for it.

I've had a few people comment lately about how I barely take photos of just myself anymore, that I always post photos of just my kids or me squeezed in a selfie with them but never on my own. And it wasn't until then that I had realised just how bad I had let my image of myself get, that I was literally avoiding the camera now.

I went underwear shopping a few weeks back to try find some undies that didn't cut into my hip and thighs, it took FOUR FUCKING DAYS and visiting multiple shops before I was able to find some that fit, and you know what? They were a size 18! This is what shits me to no end, is the lack of standard sizing within Australia. I don't care what clothing size I have to wear to be comfortable but no wonder we have such low self esteem when we go into a shop and have to buy underwear 3 times the size that we normally wear, just to get a comfortable fit! You walk into one shop and can wear a size 10, but go into another shop and nothing but an 18 fits - and sometimes it's all within the same store too!

I made a vow to myself recently to not get so caught up in all the body image bullshit.  To love myself more and to appreciate what I have and to be healthy, yes but not punish myself for having treats too. Something else I did was took a step back and tried to rewire my thinking a little and I realised that there is so much to be THANKFUL and PROUD of with my body. For instance, I can walk. I have Spina Biffida Occulta and when I was a baby, two spinal cords operations meant I could have lost my ability to ever be able to walk. There was a 1 in 3 chance and I beat the odds and can walk! My body can function with just one kidney and one eye. My body has birthed two healthy, amazing and wonderful daughters, when up until I was in my late teens, I didn't think it would be possible. I can breathe, dance (not well but hey!), run with my children, I can hold my husband close. I can read, I can write and I can speak. So I may have a little extra pudge going on with my body but you know what? I. AM. ALIVE. I am enough. I am beautiful. I am amazing. And you all are too.