The Perfect Mother

Crisp, white EVERYTHING - sheets, pillows, blankets, clothing, lounge, rug.
Never raises her voice.
Feeds her children only organic, homemade meals.
Keeps the house absolutely, perfectly spotless always.

I've basically just described at least three mothers you follow on Instagram right now.
You know the ones, the ones that you look at their profile and let out a deep sigh whilst thinking "Why can't my house look like that? How does she always look so amazing? How come she looks so good after 5 kids and I'm over here after only two and still look pregnant?" You know exactly what I am talking about.
And then there is me (and majority of the world including these Instagram Mummas ) -
Mixed matched house with no real theme except "tiny crazy people live here and rule the house".
Raises her voice a lot more than she would like to but for fuck sake stop drawing on yourself tiny crazy people!
Feeds her children whatever the hell they will actually eat that night (and you know they will hate it the next time you try to give it to them).
Floor? Oh yes I am sure there is a floor under all these clothes and toys - at least there was, last time I checked, like 3 years ago.

Mothers throughout time have felt the pressure to be the "perfect" mother, but what does that even mean? Is it a mother who stays home with the kids all day, every day, does every pinterest activity with them that she can find, prepares lunches the night before and spends all day slaving over dinner? Is it the mother who balances work and home life like its nothing, that constantly seems to have her shit together? Is it the mother who feels like the biggest hot mess, feels like she can never get on top of everything, often wonders if she does enough for the kids and if they will still want to be her best friend when they are older and prays they don't ever resent her?

Correct answer: they are all the perfect mother. You know why? Because they love their children, they give them a safe and happy home, they would do anything for their kids, they are doing the very bloody best that they can and if they have a shitty day, a shitty week, a shitty month, they just keep on keeping on and know that tomorrow is a new day. They know that their kids love them to the moon and back and they in return love their children with every fibre of their being.


So often I hear my beautiful friends, even strangers on the internet and myself included, compare themselves to other mothers and not realising the amazing job that they are doing because they are too busy wishing they could be like someone else. I feel like, with the rise of social media, came an unrealistic expectation that mothers need to keep magazine worthy homes, pack their kids themed lunches every bloody day, feed their children no sugar and only organic foods, and you know what? If you actually do that, then that is fantastic, but if you don't - you ARE NOT a bad mother.

I truly wish that (and my husband will sit there laughing his ass off because I need to take my own advice) everyone could see themselves the way that the rest of the world sees them. I wish my beautiful friends could realise that they are everything to their children, they ARE supermum to their children and that really, isn't that the only opinion that matters? Those tiny little faces beaming up at you, telling you that you're the best mum ever because you said they can stay up half hour longer than normal.

We need to rise up as a tribe of Motherhood and lift each other up, not tear each other down or constantly compare one another. This Motherhood thing is fucking tough enough as it is, and it can be lonely and there are days you want to cry and you know what? You aren't alone, those Instagram Mums you aspire to be have those days too. And that's what makes us perfect, and wonderful and amazing and real. You are a perfect mother, because your children love you perfectly as you are and for everything you do.

You Are Enough.

Finding the time to sit down and write blog posts has never been a strong point of mine, I have all these great ideas that I want to get down on paper and then all of a sudden everything gets crazy and I completely forget to sit my ass down at the computer and write a damn post. So here I am, about two years after my last blog post, trying to get started again because there has been something weighing on my mind a lot lately, almost consuming me. Body image. Those two words have an affect on women, especially mothers, way more than people realise.

I recently started seeing a psychologist for my anxiety and during our first session, she asked me to get a notebook and write down every single thing that makes me anxious, stressed, sad and so on. In the fortnight between appointments I was pretty disappointed in myself to see that so many of my entries were about the way I saw myself. Had I really become this self conscious that at least once a day I was wanting to cry because of how I looked in the mirror or how the clothing hanging in my wardrobe fit on my body? My body image hit an all time low.

I have been at both ends of the scales over the years, I've been overweight and I've been fit and slender. And I'll let you in on a secret - I was never happy with myself no matter what the scales or clothing tag said. Yes, being smaller made clothes shopping so much easier for me personally but I was obsessed, I was working out like mad and if I binged on "naughty" food, I'd make sure I made up for it.

I've had a few people comment lately about how I barely take photos of just myself anymore, that I always post photos of just my kids or me squeezed in a selfie with them but never on my own. And it wasn't until then that I had realised just how bad I had let my image of myself get, that I was literally avoiding the camera now.

I went underwear shopping a few weeks back to try find some undies that didn't cut into my hip and thighs, it took FOUR FUCKING DAYS and visiting multiple shops before I was able to find some that fit, and you know what? They were a size 18! This is what shits me to no end, is the lack of standard sizing within Australia. I don't care what clothing size I have to wear to be comfortable but no wonder we have such low self esteem when we go into a shop and have to buy underwear 3 times the size that we normally wear, just to get a comfortable fit! You walk into one shop and can wear a size 10, but go into another shop and nothing but an 18 fits - and sometimes it's all within the same store too!

I made a vow to myself recently to not get so caught up in all the body image bullshit.  To love myself more and to appreciate what I have and to be healthy, yes but not punish myself for having treats too. Something else I did was took a step back and tried to rewire my thinking a little and I realised that there is so much to be THANKFUL and PROUD of with my body. For instance, I can walk. I have Spina Biffida Occulta and when I was a baby, two spinal cords operations meant I could have lost my ability to ever be able to walk. There was a 1 in 3 chance and I beat the odds and can walk! My body can function with just one kidney and one eye. My body has birthed two healthy, amazing and wonderful daughters, when up until I was in my late teens, I didn't think it would be possible. I can breathe, dance (not well but hey!), run with my children, I can hold my husband close. I can read, I can write and I can speak. So I may have a little extra pudge going on with my body but you know what? I. AM. ALIVE. I am enough. I am beautiful. I am amazing. And you all are too.

More and more of late, I have found myself unhappy with my body, slipping into my old ways of lacking body confidence. Putting myself down when I get dressed or look in the mirror, looking at old photos of a skinnier me and wondering where that girl went. There is so much pressure for women to get down to pre-pregnancy weight, even if people don't admit it, there's a certain expectation and if some women take a little longer than others, it's like it's the worst thing ever. It would be nice if, instead of magazine articles of how amazing a celebrity looks after birth, we just celebrated the fact that Mummas have created life, that their bodies have done something so special and magical. If instead of breaking a Mumma's self confidence down with your "tips and suggestions" on how to get back into shape, you just saw her for more than her size. Since finding out my thyroid is part of the reason I am the same weight that I was right after giving birth to my second daughter, I've been sad and I've been angry. Today, I've decided enough is enough. I'm going to celebrate the body I have now, while I work (in MY OWN time) towards making it healthier and stronger. It carried and birthed these two amazing beings and well, that's pretty fucking amazing if you ask me.

I am your safe place. Your comfort. Your nourishment. When you are sad, hungry or tired, it is only me you want, I am the keeper of the solution to bring you back to calm again. There are times when I feel touched out or overwhelmed with how much you need me but my darling, I wouldn't change it for the world. You are only so little for such a short while, your impending first birthday is proof of that. Soon you won't need me as much as you do and I will miss each and every moment, even at 3am when all that will soothe you is my milk, nothing else. You are my last so I know I am gripping onto each moment for dear life as I never want it to end. Right now, this moment, it is pure perfection and I never want to forget it.

Teething.

Not even going to sugar coat it, teething sucks. And for you parents out there who's kids happily get through teething with barely a whimper, parents of babies who struggle through teething hate you. If this is actually true, I hate myself. Lily got through teething pretty well, by her first birthday she had nearly a full set of teeth - no joke. And those chompers were brutal. Like cut you nipple and make it bleed so you had to stop breastfeeding brutal. Luna on the other hand, the poor thing seems to take f o r e v e r  to have teeth come through, and we always know when they are coming Right now her top two front teeth are cutting, you could say sleep is a distant memory. You could also say coffee has replaced my actual friends, I hang out with it that often. But they are so close to pushing completely through and when that day comes, I'm going to do a happy dance and rejoice that the days of having my nipple rippes off during feeds will have come to an end...until her next few teeth start trying to come through. For now, I'm going to enjoy about 5 mins of a 20 minute yoga video tutorial with an 11 month old trying to steal my phone while I watch said video and make myself a cup of coffee instead and cuddle my teething babe while we curl up and watch a movie instead.

The Mumma Tribe vs The Mumma Wars

Motherhood.

It would have to be, in my opinion, the single most important job in the world. We (along with the Daddies of the world) are responsible for shaping the future generation into kind and wonderful human beings. It's a pretty scary thought when you really put it into perspective. The future rests right at our fingertips.

We are all in the same boat. Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, cloth nappies, disposable nappies, homemade baby food, store bought baby food, co sleeping, baby in a seperate room from day one. Each and every one of us no matter what choices we make are sitting here in the same boat. So my question is - why is there still so much judgement in the Mummy world? So much 'one upping'? We are all here trying to just make it through to bed time, maybe some of us have spent the day yelling more than we would have liked to, not doing as many activities with the kids as we hoped to, not even making it out of our pjs even though we wanted to - who am I kidding, it's raining here, I've had no intention whatsoever to get out of my pjs today! But you get my point. I see it constantly, Mummas bringing other Mummas down over their choices or trying to compete and it sucks.

Motherhood can be an extremely isolating and scary time. Sometimes you might feel like there is literally no one else going through what you are going through right now, no one else feeding their sweet babe for the sixth time through the night when in reality, there are hundreds - even thousands of women in your exact position right now yet however we are feeling just gets swept under the rug for fear of being judged. I know I felt this way as a first time mum, hell I even feel it sometimes now. Some times it feels like Motherhood is taboo, it shouldn't be spoken about, our hard days shouldn't be spoken about. But you know what? I believe in the honesty of Motherhood. Admitting when you are struggling to get the housework done or juggle the kids or that you are going batshit crazy with cabin fever because you haven't left the house for three weeks and your new signature perfume is Eau de Baby Vomit because you've barely had a chance to shower. Find your tribe and hold onto them. That group of Mummas who lift your spirits whether you all parent the same or not. That group you can discuss any topic far and wide over coffee without judgement. It is amazing what having a solid tribe beside you can do. We as women are strong and powerful, if we all just focused our energy into the positive and not the negative, imagine the places we could go and the things we could achieve by lifting each other up instead of knocking others down.

Let Time Stand Still

Oh how I wish this was something that could actually be done. There are so many moments each and every day I just want to hit the pause button and completely soak it up. It is amazing how quickly the years really do fly past. You hear so many people say 'Enjoy them while they are little, they will be all grown up before you know it.' And they couldn't be more right. Tonight as I sat in the bath with Luna, I sat there in awe. She had cuddled herself up so perfectly in my lap. Studying her little face as she fed from my breast, the very thing that has nourished and comforted her for the past 10 months. 10 whole months she has been on the outside of my body, still as attached as she was when she was in the womb. She is well on her way to being able to walk independently so soon, and I am left here wondering where the time has gone. I wonder this all the time. Today, Lily finished up Term 2 of Prep, really - we are halfway through her first school year? Surely that can't be right. It feels like only yesterday I was crying my eyes out as we walked out of the classroom on her first day. It's very much the same feeling with our wedding, two years ago we got engaged and thought we had plenty of time to plan it, fast forward to now and we are 7 weeks out for the big day and we are still organising things. I feel as though as the years pass, each one goes a little bit quicker than the one before. Before I know it, Jesse and I will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary and our girls will most likely be married with kids of their own. It's a crazy thought! I feel so truly honoured that I get to watch my girls grow, and to grow with them too actually, I'm not the same person I was 8 years ago and it's because of them and their Daddy that I continue to grow each day. Some days though, I just wish, even just for a second that time would stand still, so I could hold Jesse's hand a moment longer, so I could snuggle up to Luna sleeping soundly in my arms a minute longer and so I could listen to Lily tell me about her day just that little bit longer.