More and more of late, I have found myself unhappy with my body, slipping into my old ways of lacking body confidence. Putting myself down when I get dressed or look in the mirror, looking at old photos of a skinnier me and wondering where that girl went. There is so much pressure for women to get down to pre-pregnancy weight, even if people don't admit it, there's a certain expectation and if some women take a little longer than others, it's like it's the worst thing ever. It would be nice if, instead of magazine articles of how amazing a celebrity looks after birth, we just celebrated the fact that Mummas have created life, that their bodies have done something so special and magical. If instead of breaking a Mumma's self confidence down with your "tips and suggestions" on how to get back into shape, you just saw her for more than her size. Since finding out my thyroid is part of the reason I am the same weight that I was right after giving birth to my second daughter, I've been sad and I've been angry. Today, I've decided enough is enough. I'm going to celebrate the body I have now, while I work (in MY OWN time) towards making it healthier and stronger. It carried and birthed these two amazing beings and well, that's pretty fucking amazing if you ask me.

I am your safe place. Your comfort. Your nourishment. When you are sad, hungry or tired, it is only me you want, I am the keeper of the solution to bring you back to calm again. There are times when I feel touched out or overwhelmed with how much you need me but my darling, I wouldn't change it for the world. You are only so little for such a short while, your impending first birthday is proof of that. Soon you won't need me as much as you do and I will miss each and every moment, even at 3am when all that will soothe you is my milk, nothing else. You are my last so I know I am gripping onto each moment for dear life as I never want it to end. Right now, this moment, it is pure perfection and I never want to forget it.

Teething.

Not even going to sugar coat it, teething sucks. And for you parents out there who's kids happily get through teething with barely a whimper, parents of babies who struggle through teething hate you. If this is actually true, I hate myself. Lily got through teething pretty well, by her first birthday she had nearly a full set of teeth - no joke. And those chompers were brutal. Like cut you nipple and make it bleed so you had to stop breastfeeding brutal. Luna on the other hand, the poor thing seems to take f o r e v e r  to have teeth come through, and we always know when they are coming Right now her top two front teeth are cutting, you could say sleep is a distant memory. You could also say coffee has replaced my actual friends, I hang out with it that often. But they are so close to pushing completely through and when that day comes, I'm going to do a happy dance and rejoice that the days of having my nipple rippes off during feeds will have come to an end...until her next few teeth start trying to come through. For now, I'm going to enjoy about 5 mins of a 20 minute yoga video tutorial with an 11 month old trying to steal my phone while I watch said video and make myself a cup of coffee instead and cuddle my teething babe while we curl up and watch a movie instead.

The Mumma Tribe vs The Mumma Wars

Motherhood.

It would have to be, in my opinion, the single most important job in the world. We (along with the Daddies of the world) are responsible for shaping the future generation into kind and wonderful human beings. It's a pretty scary thought when you really put it into perspective. The future rests right at our fingertips.

We are all in the same boat. Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, cloth nappies, disposable nappies, homemade baby food, store bought baby food, co sleeping, baby in a seperate room from day one. Each and every one of us no matter what choices we make are sitting here in the same boat. So my question is - why is there still so much judgement in the Mummy world? So much 'one upping'? We are all here trying to just make it through to bed time, maybe some of us have spent the day yelling more than we would have liked to, not doing as many activities with the kids as we hoped to, not even making it out of our pjs even though we wanted to - who am I kidding, it's raining here, I've had no intention whatsoever to get out of my pjs today! But you get my point. I see it constantly, Mummas bringing other Mummas down over their choices or trying to compete and it sucks.

Motherhood can be an extremely isolating and scary time. Sometimes you might feel like there is literally no one else going through what you are going through right now, no one else feeding their sweet babe for the sixth time through the night when in reality, there are hundreds - even thousands of women in your exact position right now yet however we are feeling just gets swept under the rug for fear of being judged. I know I felt this way as a first time mum, hell I even feel it sometimes now. Some times it feels like Motherhood is taboo, it shouldn't be spoken about, our hard days shouldn't be spoken about. But you know what? I believe in the honesty of Motherhood. Admitting when you are struggling to get the housework done or juggle the kids or that you are going batshit crazy with cabin fever because you haven't left the house for three weeks and your new signature perfume is Eau de Baby Vomit because you've barely had a chance to shower. Find your tribe and hold onto them. That group of Mummas who lift your spirits whether you all parent the same or not. That group you can discuss any topic far and wide over coffee without judgement. It is amazing what having a solid tribe beside you can do. We as women are strong and powerful, if we all just focused our energy into the positive and not the negative, imagine the places we could go and the things we could achieve by lifting each other up instead of knocking others down.

Let Time Stand Still

Oh how I wish this was something that could actually be done. There are so many moments each and every day I just want to hit the pause button and completely soak it up. It is amazing how quickly the years really do fly past. You hear so many people say 'Enjoy them while they are little, they will be all grown up before you know it.' And they couldn't be more right. Tonight as I sat in the bath with Luna, I sat there in awe. She had cuddled herself up so perfectly in my lap. Studying her little face as she fed from my breast, the very thing that has nourished and comforted her for the past 10 months. 10 whole months she has been on the outside of my body, still as attached as she was when she was in the womb. She is well on her way to being able to walk independently so soon, and I am left here wondering where the time has gone. I wonder this all the time. Today, Lily finished up Term 2 of Prep, really - we are halfway through her first school year? Surely that can't be right. It feels like only yesterday I was crying my eyes out as we walked out of the classroom on her first day. It's very much the same feeling with our wedding, two years ago we got engaged and thought we had plenty of time to plan it, fast forward to now and we are 7 weeks out for the big day and we are still organising things. I feel as though as the years pass, each one goes a little bit quicker than the one before. Before I know it, Jesse and I will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary and our girls will most likely be married with kids of their own. It's a crazy thought! I feel so truly honoured that I get to watch my girls grow, and to grow with them too actually, I'm not the same person I was 8 years ago and it's because of them and their Daddy that I continue to grow each day. Some days though, I just wish, even just for a second that time would stand still, so I could hold Jesse's hand a moment longer, so I could snuggle up to Luna sleeping soundly in my arms a minute longer and so I could listen to Lily tell me about her day just that little bit longer.

Sniffles, Sneezes and Coughs - Oh My!

Colds and viruses and conjunctivitis have taken over our household this past week.
We all got knocked down, one after the other. First Luna got the sniffles and a cough, then myself - we were both over it within a matter of days. Then Jesse got hit with it, it got him worse than us two. Lily was happily oblivious to it all and we hoped it was going to skip her, then just when we thought we were in the clear, she was struck with a virus and conjunctivitis over the weekend. She's a determined little cupcake, I'll give her that much, because she argued with myself and Jesse when Tuesday came around, she didn't want to stay home, she simply HAD to be at school. So after much back and forth discussion we lost and she was happily being dropped to school with strict instructions to get the teacher to call us if she wanted to go home - she didn't. Of course she didn't, school is so much more fun, hanging with friends and getting to play and learn. Much more exciting than sitting around at home being told you need to rest, I don't blame her. Though I would love to be told to rest and lay down when I'm unwell haha! Wednesday came and we had an adventure to the doctors office for antibiotics once we found out what was wrong. Here we are on Friday, I've been in my pyjamas for three days, drank copious amounts of coffee, haven't brushed my hair since Tuesday - aside from the coffee I might as well be describing Lily as well. The poor thing has been camping out on the lounge watching back to back TMNT episodes and eating very minimal. Here's hoping over the next few days things go back to normal and she is her happy little self again! I tell you what, so far I'm not too impressed with Winter. Luna also seems to be getting sniffly again, it's a never ending cycle with two kids, that's for sure! But hey, I get cuddles all day so I won't argue.

Do you ever have those days where as soon as you wake up, nothing seems to be going right but it's all in your head? You're instantly in a foul mood and the smallest things piss you off? This happens to me probably more than I would like to admit. This morning both of the girls woke earlier than they would on a school day - seriously, can kids sense that it's the weekend and all Mum wants is for everyone to sleep in an extra half hour? Or did they misread the memo and think that I meant wake up half an hour earlier than normal? Either way, Mumma Bear: Cranky Edition came out to play as soon as I opened my eyes and I feel horrible. We hung around the house for two hours, coffee in my hand as I tried to shake the cranks but it wasn't working. So I decided to get outside and let us all get some fresh air. We're now almost 2 hours into being at the park, Luna has falleb asleep feeding in the carrier and Lily is playing happily on the flying fox with a new friend she just made (god I love the innocence of children and how easily they can make friends and how simple it is.) and I feel calm. Content. There's something about being near the water that just makes all my worries go away, even for a few hours. Luna seems to have inherited this as well, she's a total water babe and being close to water in any way puts a smile on her face. And Lily, Lily is always just happy to be outside and near a park. I really need to make an effort to get out with them more, it's really does make all the difference in our attitudes for the rest of the day. So I'm off to enjoy the sunshine and giggles from my oldest, and to tuck away the side boob I have happening right now since Luna decided to unlatch...

Have a happy weekend!